New Year, still fabulous.

New Years Eve and I’m sat in an oversized teeshirt, baggy sweats, watching Grey’s Anatomy and sipping prosecco because why the hell not. Both kiddies are asleep, which is nice as we seem to have had illness after illness at the moment. Colds passed between everyone for weeks, bronchitis, conjunctivitis and now tonsillitis.

G  took his first steps at 9 months and 13 days and is now walking all over the place, completely proud of himself with the biggest, cheesiest grin on his face. It is ten out of ten adorable.
He’s so different to E as a baby. He’s definitely not as independent but ohmygoodness is he a cuddler. Serious Mummy’s boy. If he wasn’t so freaking heavy I’d love it even more than I do but as it is I end up with a sore hip and dead arms by the end of the day. I have a sling that I really need to start using more often than I do.
He has six teeth now and his favourite thing to do is chew my chin. He will literally lunge at me, grab my chin with his mouth, pull my hair so I can’t move and laugh his head off. He’s like one of those things from Alien. A facehugger. A cute giggly facehugger.
All the while I’m laughing too but it really hurts so I’m also trying to prize open his tiny hands that are vice gripped around my hair. By this point, E thinks we’re playing a massive game and jumps onto my shoulders, clinging onto my neck, shouting “GIDDYUP MUMMY!”
Yeah it’s a great game.

E is going to be an artist. Or a paleontologist, or an astronaut if you consider her other loves….peppaologist?
I honestly sit there Googling “what should my child be able to draw at (insert months here) ” about 5 times a day. She drew me a fish in water yesterday people. That’s gotta be advanced right? I mean, a fish. In water. IN. WATER. Yes the fish was just an oval with an eye, but still. she coloured in the blue water around it and drew WAVES and I’m calling it. child genius.
She has two pretty good artists for parents (I use the term ‘pretty good’ loosely, I am no Monet) so she was bound to get it right?
I don’t mean to harp on about it, but also – she draws pupils in eyes, Granted, they’re just a dot in the middle of a circle, but come on!

Anyway, I’ll stop gushing over my childs CREATIVE GENIUS and move on.

Christmas was great. E’s first Christmas where she actually knew what was going on, although slightly confused at first with the concept of an old man coming in whilst everyone was asleep..this was soon accepted when I mentioned he would be bringing her presents.
Must do the stranger danger talk soon…
Her face when she saw his footprints in the amazing, magical, non melting, North (or is it South?) Pole snow aka talcum powder, was an absolute picture. Despite what we had told her, Father Christmas didn’t leave her a lump of coal and did actually bring her a fairly large amount of presents! Not sure with how well this is going to go for us in future though, may have to come good with the coal threats occasionally!
G was a typical baby – wrapping paper and boxes? Winning.

As I’ve been writing this, it has become 2017. I am 30 THIS YEAR. What happened? I genuinely still feel 21 *cries*. I shall most certainly be channeling Joey Tribiani come December 15th. My dearest hubby always says, “We’re almost dead. Best years of our lives are over. It only gets worse from here” but he is a grump. So this year I am making a list. Not resolutions, but 30 things to do before I’m 30. 30 before 30.
Now I just need to come up with said list…



When children get no sleep..

You know everyone’s favourite saying for a new parent, ‘sleep when they sleep’? You know how you sort of poo poo this with your first baby, e.g. “well when is the cooking and cleaning going to get done” etc?
Totally changes with baby no. 2.
Sleep when they sleep? Hell freaking yes. Absolutely. Show me the bed. If you are lucky enough to experience the magical moment when both of your babies sleep at the same time, you must sleep too. It’s imperative for your sanity’s sake.
I know I harp on about nap times a lot but there is a reason I have started with this today.
That dreaded moment all parent’s fear has occurred. E has dropped her naps. *sobs*
There wasn’t even an ease into it so I would know it was coming and be able to prepare myself for the heartache. No warning. Nothing. Just, one day she had a three hour nap, the next, point blank refusal and my child was taken over by a demon. I feel like I’m in mourning over the death of a loved one.
Come 4pm, the tiredness really shows it’s hold over E and she hates everyone and everything. I try and win her over with “Do you want to see Daddy? Daddy’s coming home today!” “NO. I NOT SEE DADDY” (She does want to really)  and at that point, it’s best to let her tantrum play out whilst crying  thinking  to myself “well you should have bloody gone to sleep then!”
Toys get thrown, doors get slammed and feet are stomped.
It’s clearly very hard work being a two year old.
This would be fine if she slept through. She used to, she used to be an angel with her sleeping and nap routine but because Daddy isn’t home, things are turned upon their heads. Now we have a regular 2.30AM request of Pokoyo (some random kids show which is surprisingly quite funny) and milk. I don’t give in to Pokoyo but I do get the milk. This may be creating a habit but at 2.30, sleep deprivation and the risk of a smaller baby waking up are higher on my priority list.
Thankfully G has a pretty solid sleeping routine, brought in by himself! Good two – three hours in the morning, then bed at 6pm till morning. This doesn’t usually waver unless, those bastard teeth or if I trip over things on my way out after going in to gaze lovingly at his gorgeous sleeping self. I trip over / knock into things more times than I would like. You’d think I’d learn / pick up the crap from the floor.

We’re heavily in to weaning with little G now. I forgot how messy baby led weaning can be! I mean, seriously. We went out and gave him tomato pasta – it was like it had exploded and hit everything. Granted it was my fault as I hadn’t brought a bib but in my defence, it was a pretty impromptu decision to go out for food whilst on a ‘quick’ trip to the shop. I love it though, he looks so hilarious proud of himself sucking up those strands of sphagetti!
Also, BLW makes for some serious contenders for the ’embarrassing photos of when you were a baby’ award. He’s gonna hate me when he’s older.
We try where we can to buy organic and make everything fresh but sometimes, I don’t care. Like, I really don’t care. Exhaustion changes you to your very core. I caught E licking water from the dog bowl and eating the dog food the other day so I’m not sure she’s really that fussed either.
Since the food started, he dropped quite a lot of his milk feeds. I also had a wedding to go to which meant he had over 24 hours of bottle feeding and definitely decided he preferred the bottle. He then started to wean himself off of breastfeeding at around 6 months and completely at 7 months. I had high hopes for continuing to a year but clearly G had other ideas. My boobs clearly just weren’t good enough for him! I still express which to be honest is a complete pain in the arse and I’m barely making an ounce a time (used to be at least 5 ) so the whole thing feels pretty unfruitful. I am determined that one way or another though, he will get some God damn booby milk! Even if I only have enough for a bottle once every 3 days!

That’s my lot for today. I’d like to say that I’m off to bed but I have about 7238954 cleaning jobs to do and the shop shuts in half hour (icecream is needed to complete said cleaning tasks.)

Ciao x




Bribes, tantrums and cuddles.

When you wake up in the morning you have a decision to make. Do I do my hair and makeup so I actually look like a functioning woman who has her shit together, or do I leave it for the hundred other jobs I have to do today?
The latter usually wins out in my case.

We went for a walk yesterday and when we got back, I looked in the mirror. My ponytail had bits coming out everywhere from where George had pulled it out. I had baby sick all down one shoulder from an earlier burping incident and on closer inspection, the seat of my jeans had some yellowy stain on it. I’m assuming/hoping banana. Marc let me go out this. This is the norm for me now so he didn’t think anything of it. I’m glad I barely know anyone here. Jeeze.

So yes, every morning I have the option of getting up that little bit earlier whilst they’re all asleep so I can perfect my eyebrow arch, or sleep a bit longer and wake up in a panic to one child screaming and about to wake the other up, throwing on husbands joggers to find I have them on backwards but THERE IS NO TIME to put them on the right way and grabbing any top that’s nearby – usually covered in sick, snot, or dribble – or if you’re super unlucky, a combination of all three.

Today is one of the looking like a crazy person days. I’m praying one of them has a nap before the delivery man comes today so I can at least cover the dark pits underneath my eyes.

George just coughed sick INTO my mouth. My life ladies and gentlemen.

George is 5 months on Sunday. WTAF. He’s supposed to be my baby forever. How has this happened?
He’s so different to E as a baby. He doesn’t sit up (very well) yet or have any teeth but he loves grabbing things with his hands and playing with his feet. E didn’t use her hands till food was put in front of her. Priorities.
He’s a super chilled baby although he’s decided he likes to be held for the majority of the time. Who can blame him. I’d like to be carried around all the time if I could. My sling has been a Godsend but he’s getting a bit heavy for it now.
G is a proper little porker. He keeps flitting between the 75th and 91st percentile. I’m having to express twice a day so that I can give him a full bottle at bed time as well as a boob feed. Seriously. I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come or we’ll have to take out a loan just to feed him.

Elizabeth, oh E, my little diva child. She is becoming more and more independent, if that’s even possible. I am not looking forward to the teenage years. For all her tantrums and strops, she’s actually been a little sweetie pie. She put all her toys away yesterday without being asked. It’ll probably never ever happen again. She’s been giving G man lots of hugs and kisses too which is lovely. Actually been mega impressed with her this week, we tried mackerel and calamari for the first time  – loved it! She did get extremely upset with me though when we ran out of fruit…..she kept listing them. “melon? apple? banana? ” at least she’s crying because it’s fruit and not over chocolate. The crying has taken on a new level though. Louder and shriller. I’m not sure if this is a result of M being away Monday to Friday or just a progression of the terrible twos.


We had our first solo outing today! Only to Homebase to get some flowers to plant in the garden, but I’m counting it as a major achievement. Especially since I had to have E out of the pram and walking freely. It could have been a disaster. She could have decided to play hide and seek in the shop or just plain run off like she normally does but I was prepared. My secret weapon? Chocolate. Yes, I was one of those “I’m never going to bribe my child” childless women. Now I understand. You do not reason with a two year old. You can play to their good side, until they get tired, then BAM. Game over. The chocolate bribes come out and man do they work. I had to really stretch them out (because I’d already eaten the rest) but she was fab and was even happy enough to carry some pots for me.
When at the till, did she shout “CHOCOLATE” at me? Yes. Did I care that I was getting disapproving looks from the obviously childless people in the queue in front of me? Nope. I’d had a successful trip with two kiddies on my own. Nothing was bringing me down.

Anyway. It has taken me 10 hours, 2 cups of tea, a can of Pepsi , a bowl of ice cream (my lunch), two clothes changes and a short nap to write this. Hopefully it’ll be a bit quicker next time!