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Gym or fro-yo?

I was looking forward to going to the gym after so long staying in the house unable to move.

Was.

I’ve had my first two gym sessions now since the six week check, and man am I seriously regretting the decision to go back.

Went to a boot camp style session on Tuesday, and it really shows how unfit I now am. I felt horrendous half way through the WARMUP. You have no idea how glad I was when my shoe laces came undone and I needed to stop to retie them. I will from now on be tying shoe laces very loosely if there are any more boot camps!
Although NOTHING is worse than labour, I did see where the women shouting “this is worse than child birth” were coming from.
It seems to be that anything that includes running absolutely destroys me, whereas any circuit training exercises like push ups, lunges, the plank I have become better at. On Tuesday, the plank was my favourite exercise. The plank. There must be something wrong with me.

Todays session was a lot easier, no running!  It was just your bog standard circuit training. I still had to take it easy, but I don’t think I’ll have to force myself to go to the Thursday sesh!

All this torture is so I can hopefully get some sort of beach body back for even a fraction of the summer. That and to get my fitness back, but I do feel my love of the gym will take a while to return! For now, I’ll have to deal with the fact that I would rather be sat on the sofa eating Oreo fro-yo, turning into a fatty.

I’ve had to buy new bikinis for our holiday to France in a few weeks time because nothing fits my God damn boobs! It’s such a pain. I mean seriously. I hated boobs before I got pregnant and now they’re 2 sizes bigger! Who needs that. 
I’m also lathering generous amounts of Palmers Cocoa butter onto my stretch marked belly to try and tone down how angry they look although to be honest I’m not overly bothered about these as they’re really not that bad.

Lizzie update - 

She has been consistently sleeping through the night for a while now, but only in our bed making it difficult to actually move through fear of crushing her. We’ve decided (I’ve decided) to start using the moses basket now not only so I can starfish in bed but because it should make it easier when we move her to her cot? Hopefully!

We’ve been taking her out a lot more as we’re pretty sure she’ll either stay asleep or be easily placated. Wherever we go, we always get “look at all that hair”, i can’t imagine her bald, just seems so strange! When she came out after labour, Marc even said she looked like a gorilla baby.

She has started smiling properly and attempts to laugh – which turns into more of a cough. The “laughing” and smiling happens a LOT during bath times. She’s such a cutey pie, I have real problems not squidging her cheeks all the time because they are just TOO CUTE.

She’s had a few sleepy days this week. It’s strange because it’s so lovely to have time to myself to do my own things, but I almost feel like I miss her if I haven’t had enough cuddles with her in the day!

Babies do crazy things to people.

 

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just a quick one..

Lizzie had her first big social event a couple of days ago, her uncle and auntie – in – laws English wedding.
It was fab seeing family and introducing her for the first time.
Lots of eager people wanting to cuddle her, push her pram and even the occasional brave person willing to do a bum change. It was nice to have a little break. To be fair though, she was pretty good and didn’t scream too much.

She’s sleeping well too now, generally between 2 am and 7.30am. I think she’s finally got days and nights the right way around. WINNING.

I am jealous of bottle feeding parents though right now and their ability to share the load. I am still trying desperately to cling onto a semblance of my life B.E. (Before Elizabeth) and it’s all just slowly slipping away!
Marc does help when he can, but basically, I am a one woman milking machine at the whim of a button nosed dribbler and it is tiring stuff.
I miss eating hot food with a knife and fork as opposed to luke warm food with a spoon.
I miss having a shower first thing every morning as opposed to whenever i can fit it in IF I can fit it in.
I miss sleeping when I want to sleep as opposed to getting a few hours a night if she doesn’t wake up for a feed.
I miss having the option of going out every Friday night as opposed to not at all.

Saying this, I wouldn’t change anything as she really is the cutest thing ever.

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We had the health visitor recently and little miss is on track and gaining weight well – I should hope so with the amount she’s wanting to feed! She’s in the 75th centile and bang on 11lbs so all smiles here.

To finish, here is her poop face.

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And squeeze!

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Life with a small human being.

Day 3 of attempting to finish this post..

One thing every midwife and health visitor I’ve seen since labour have all asked is  “how was labour?”, I reply simply with “horrific” and the reply I always get is: “why, what happened?”

What do you mean what happened?! A BABY CAME OUT.

As I said in my last post – I do understand that I was extremely lucky having such a fast labour with few complications, but that does not mean it didn’t hurt like hell! Having a baby that fast meant my contractions were incredibly intense from the word go as they had less time to squeeze Lizzie out!! (Or so I’ve been told) So I will continue to feel like a God damn superstar until I forget how horrendously painful it was! NOTHING can prepare you for that!

On a lighter note

Breastfeeding.
Oh my gosh. I can totally understand why people choose to bottle feed. In the first week that Lizzie was home I had 3 major meltdowns, and I considered buying formula every day.
“If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong” 
Is what I got from all the midwives and health visitor that I saw, and yet they checked Lizzies latch and said it was perfect. Hence the breakdowns.Thankfully, I saw a third midwife who told me “of course it can hurt, it’s a very sensitive area and can be very painful at first!” This midwife is now my favourite. The others must have either had nipples of steel, never had kids, or just can’t remember.

On advice from a family member, I purchased some nipple shields, which are actually amazing. I hope the person that came up with them has made a fortune, because they totally deserve to. I only needed to wear them for a few days so I could recover, and now I can breast feed without the pain and only find it slightly uncomfortable. It’s only if she’s having a “GIVE ME ALL THE MILK” day where she wants feeding ALL DAY with about half hour in between EVERY feed that I revert back to the nipple shields.
The only issue I really get now is when she wants feeding constantly, she gets frustrated sometimes because by the end of the day, I don’t seem to have enough milk for her, which then frustrates me too. At this point, Marc goes very quiet and tends to leave me alone –  through fear of getting a massive rage thrown his way. Poor boy.
One good thing is I have set our bedroom up as a breastfeeding station. Flat screen TV. Check. PS3. Check. Netflix. Check. Watching Prison Break on Netflix has gotten me through some tough days.
A few people have started asking us if we’ve gotten into a routine yet…..for the record, Lizzie does not know the meaning of the word.

Sleeping

Well, I am now so used to only getting 3 hours tops together, I actually feel refreshed if I have managed this! Or maybe, it’s because I’ve had so few hours together that I haven’t gone into a deep enough sleep so I’m still fairly awake when she starts screaming?
I have now started co sleeping with her (yesIknowIknowImnotsupposedtoblabla). IT WORKS. So I don’t care. She’s safe inside a nursing pillow – she can’t roll over and we can’t roll onto her so I’ll keep doing it if it means we actually get to sleep – including Lizzie!
She screams all night in her moses basket but the second, and I mean the second, you pick her up, she goes straight to sleep.
I do still attempt the moses basket…usually until about 2am, then I give up, she’s in with us and she’s sound asleep.One night, she actually gave us 6 hours!! This has not happened again since.

Body

I’ve gotta say, I never thought I was overly slim before pregnancy….now, I feel like the skinniest person IN THE WORLD.. Seriously. Months of looking at a massive bump attached to you for it to then suddenly disappear? People with body fat issues should just get pregnant, then look at themselves after labour.
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Back into most of my jeans again #winning

I am sporting an amazing invention underneath though, the Belly Bandit. If you’re pregnant or have recently given birth, I can highly recommend this! It sort of squeezes you back together and slims your tummy and hips back down. You just have to make sure you start exercising as soon as you’re able so that your tummy muscles aren’t rendered useless. I got mine off ebay as it was a lot cheaper :)

Saying all this, I still can’t wait to get to the gym. I have lost a lot of muscle tone due to the anaemia phase and my tum is like a plate of jello.

I’ll have to wait till at least the 6 week mark though as I still get exhausted from walking the dogs for 20 mins at the moment and need at least one episode of Prison Break after to recover.

I have a holiday lined up in August and have an amazing bikini in my sights as a present to myself if I manage to tone up – even slightly, so I’m eager to start!

Home

Marc has been an awesome husband since bambino has been home. He has cooked, cleaned up, walked the dogs, sorted out the chickens every day – all in between his work and uni work, with only the occasional grumble. He does get almost a full nights sleep as most of the time he doesn’t actually hear Lizzie’s grumbles or cries so at least he gets that bonus!

I have either been asleep or feeding Lizzie. If she’s been asleep for more than half hour in the day, I’ve maybe managed to tidy up a room or two, but this is a rare moment.  I actually managed to have a bath yesterday, that in itself is a miracle.

She’s almost been home for 4 weeks now and we still find her adorable, even with all the poop and occasional projectile vomit at 4am, so it’s going well!

Cue mushy cheese picture

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Labour.

Well, shortly after my last post, I decided to phone the labour ward at 7.30AM

Whilst I was talking to the midwife on the phone – who kept saying “I don’t want to put you off coming in but…” – my cramps started to go from being every 20 mins to very frequently, and getting steadily more painful. I explained that I was already 5cm dilated and that I had a family history of fast labour.
Despite this, the midwife stated that as this was my first baby, this probably wouldn’t be the case for me and that I was unlikely to be 5cm dilated already.
She told me to have breakfast, give it a while, then go in.

I ignored this, woke Marc up and went straight in. THANK GOD.

By the time we got there, (8.30AM) I was having extremely painful contractions every 2 mins lasting about 30 seconds long. Marc parked the car and firstly decided he was in a bad parking spot and wanted to repark!!. He then walked to get a parking ticket. WALKED.
Marc – I apologise for shouting at you at this stage but when I say “RUN” and I feel like I’m being ripped apart, I need you to run!

It was horendous. I burst into the labour ward and was almost crippled onto the floor. The midwife I had spoken to on the phone then just said “oh, I think we better examine you straight away!”

Was I 5cm dilated? No. I was not. I was FULLY FREAKING DILATED.

The midwife ran off to get the birthing pool ready for me, meanwhile giving me gas and air, and within 20 mins of getting to the hospital I was in the pool. The instant relief on my back was amazing. I actually felt like a sudden weight had been lifted. I went from stabbing back pain to pain free with just emursing myself in the water. This relief however, did not last long. The gas and air I found just made me feel extremely sick, so that got ignored. The contractions started to get more and more intense and at one stage I could feel a panic attack coming on so had to work to stop that which was handy as it made me control my breathing more.

I’m not going to lie, I did scream (although Marc assures me that I only screamed twice) and I found the entire experience horrendous.

Within the first 10 mins of being in the pool, I remember shouting things like;

  • I WANT A C SECTION!
  • WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
  • I DONT WANT TO DO THIS!
  • WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS?
  • HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS?
  • I NEED IT TO STOP!
  • I NEED DRUGS!

Being told “you can do this! You’re doing it now! The pain will stop!” however well meaning, does NOTHING for you when you’re in that much pain. Nothing.

After this 10 mins the midwife told me I needed to stand up so she could listen to the babies heartbeat – the waterproof contraption to do this was not working so I had to be dry. Every minute I was getting a contraction and she wanted me to stand up. Seriously.
I managed about 10 seconds for the midwife to determine baby was okay before I needed to get back in for the next contraction.

The midwife then disappeared. I have no idea why – during my 30 seconds of none contraction pain, I felt like I was drunk, and couldn’t focus on anything. I do however know that 10 seconds later….. “MARC, I NEED TO PUSH. PRESS THE CALL BELL. NOW!

Funny thing about the initial pushing stage was, yes it hurt, but the worst pain was my back. I started crying because my back was in agony and there was absolutely nothing I could do – other than get the baby out – to make it stop.
I started begging the midwife to break my waters because I could feel them bulging out – and she kept saying that a lot of the pressure was probably because they were still intact. Eventually after about 5 mins, she decided to break them.
“Do you feel any relief now?”
“NO?!!!”
I felt like she’d lied to me and I was heartbroken. There was no pressure relief at all! I felt a pop, but nothing else. I cried again.

I was at this point told I would have to get out of the water. The baby had pooped and so it was no longer safe for me to give birth in there.

I got out in between contractions, went over to the bed, felt a contraction coming on and dropped to my knees. I did feel slightly better getting out as the pool was hotter than the sun but this wasn’t much comfort. I was vaguely aware that someone was trying to lift my knees up to put cushions underneath them – WHAT DID I NEED CUSHIONS FOR?! I then needed to push again.

At this point, I definitely felt like I was being completely ripped apart, but the midwife said the head was coming so I just kept pushing. It really did feel like there was a head coming out.
Amazingly, I got it out in that one contraction with a few little pushes for the nose and mouth.
This entire time, I knew that Marc was right behind me watching everything – there was nowhere he could stand to get away from it. Under normal circumstances I would have felt bad for him (he can’t even watch One Born Every Minute without feeling faint), but I was pushing a baby out. I couldn’t have cared less at this stage.

Next contraction was heaven – one short push and I felt what I assume were the arms and legs wriggle out. The pain disappeared. The midwife told me to turn around to see what I had, it was a girl! I was convinced the whole time I was having a boy so I was really surprised! She passed her up between my legs for me to hold. She was so gorgeous! I have never seen so much hair on a baby either. Absolutely amazing.

The next part was a bit awkward – trying to stand up and get onto the bed with her as apparently, the cord was a lot shorter than normal. But we managed it, and after a min or so Marc cut the cord. I can’t remember much more about what happened at this point, I know we had at least an hour of skin to skin, but it felt like 5 mins to me. I do however, remember after getting onto the bed, looking down at the floor. It looked like a scene from a slasher movie. I later asked Marc about it:

“was it bad? I just remember seeing a LOT of blood and green stuff..”
“No it wasn’t that bad”
“Seriously?”
“……..yeah okay…..it was pretty bad!”

The entire labour lasted an hour and a half, yes I know this is extremely quick and I do feel very grateful I didn’t have a 36 hour labour of misery, but it was still an absolutely horrific experience. I don’t get people who have ‘wonderful’ labours. That can in no way to me be described as wonderful. However – I do understand why people say that you forget about the pain, as it is definitely worth it.

My absolute favourite picture of Elizabeth
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Marc was fantastic throughout the labour – and even though I can’t remember what he said to me, I do remember him holding my hand, rubbing my back and talking to me encouragingly which really helped.

First clothing change
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Elizabeth Violet, born 9.28am weighing 8lbs 1oz

Named Elizabeth after one of my favourite literary characters, Elizabeth Bennett, and Violet from a family name.

She is just perfect!

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Cramps or contractions?

So, it’s a ridiculous time in the morning and I keep getting cramps. Only about 20 mins or so apart, but man are they uncomfortable.

I had my stretch and sweep on Wednesday ( 40 weeks +5) and the midwife practically screamed at me “HOW ARE YOU NOT IN LABOUR ALREADY??!”
How the hell do I know? Believe me lady, I wish I was!
Apparently I was already 5cm dilated.
She then told us she would be surprised if I lasted another 24 hours – cue parents making the mad 4 hour dash up north – and then…nothing happened!

I’m not sure whether to phone the hospital or not because I don’t think I’m having contractions and my waters haven’t broken… but the midwife said to go in as soon as I feel anything as it’ll probably be a quick labour.

SCARY STUFF.

Most looking forward to (in no particular order);

finding out if it’s a boy or girl
Seeing marcs face
Seeing the lil bambino that has been hiccuping inside me every day
Being able to put pants / socks on on my own
Not getting heartburn when I drink OJ
Being able to walk normally again.

Granted,  some of these may take more time than others!

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41 weeks.

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Happy due date!

So I’m not going to lie, yes I have been a lazy so and so with updating this, but in my defense, the last month or two, sitting at the computer has been HARD! It really hurts my ribs! The months before this however, I have no excuse.

I am currently bouncing on an exercise ball I borrowed, determined I will bounce this baby out (don’t shatter my enthusiasm), I’m sure it’s just a matter of time now. I don’t think I can ever eat a hot curry again though – almost blew my head off last time and baby did nothing but get hiccups.

So since January – my last post –  I have gone on maternity leave! Thank God. I did have to get a bit stern with them as they wanted me to continue doing 6 hour shifts 5 days a week for all of March as they were short staffed, which would have been fine if I’d been able to have my 20 min sit downs etc, but I didn’t and the nature of the job is running around like an idiot. After 2 hours I was ready for bed! Thankfully, I got them down to 4 x 4 hour shifts. much more manageable.

I think the new ‘team trainer’ was glad to get rid of me, but that’s only because she was crap at her job and didn’t like getting suggestions from anyone else. I didn’t enjoy winding her up at all.

Despite what I say about work, there are some people I will miss! I also can’t wait to get back to work (bored already, although I’m sure that will change shortly.), just not at this particular job!

Since going on maternity leave I have ;

  • slept
  • looked after, weaned and sold 12 puppies(!!)
  • slept
  • sorted the garden out
  • slept
  • cleaned out the bedrooms and downstairs
  • slept
  • rearranged the kitchen
  • slept
  • packed and unpacked my hospital bag 364237642374 times
  • slept some more
  • googled ways to bring on labour!

Safe to say I’m in the nesting mode but it really does come during the worst trimester! If I sit down for more than a minute, that’s it. I need to sleep. I can barely walk because I feel permanently saddle sore, and my ribs feel like they’re being stretched within an inch of their lives. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing.

I do feel quite sorry for people that aggravate me at the moment. I have lost all will to be nice. I take no prisoners in comments or debates, and it has enhanced my sarcasm. I can hear myself saying things, and instead of feeling bad, I’m finding it quite amusing. I am also judging everyone and everything. Whilst I’m writing this, I am trying to be remorseful, but I’m really really not. I just don’t have the energy! When I’m not 40 weeks pregnant, I’m a lovely person!

I think, I am now as prepared as I can be baby things wise. We went to a NCT ‘nearly new sale’ on Saturday to pick up some final bits and bobs, which Marc was very dubious about, but oh. freaking. my. It was amazing. I think Marc’s comment after 2 minutes was “this is brilliant”, which if you know Marc and his complete lack of enthusiasm for shopping, says a lot. (He now denies that he says this, he would hate for people to think he enjoyed it there!)
We got pretty much everything we still needed, that still had retail prices of over £50, for a fiver.

Now all I can do is wait! And bounce on my ball…..and eat pineapple…..and curry…

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Maternity jeans make it all worth it. seriously. I’m not even joking.

I feel like my last post was just moaning about pregnancy – but hey – this is my baby blog, and it has been pretty dire. I have not had ‘the glow’. I have had heartburn 24/7, exhaustion, headaches, mood swings and acne. The glow is a total LIE!

However, maternity jeans. OH MY GOSH. Where have you been all my life? These beauties would  have come in handy so much at Christmas dinners, Sunday lunches, hell, lets be honest, every meal I eat.
I can’t even describe how comfortable they are. They will certainly be staying in my wardrobe after pregnancy. I don’t even care.
 

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